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Welcome to our Samoan Humor Page

Talofa lava and welcome to our Samoan Humor page.

Included on this page is stuff that was sent to us from people like you. We have collected stuff that we thought was especially funny and true about us, Samoans, so that we can all laugh together about what makes us special and different from other people in this world.

Samoan humor, at its best, is like no other kind of humor. It is unique, truthful, and can really make your stomach hurt from laughing so hard. At its worst, of which examples abound on the other Samoan sites, it is nothing more than petty attempts at trying to get attention. But hey, you won't find that here because this is a family site and only good-natured "stuff" will be posted.

Enjoy the humor and visit us again. We would like to thank Sina Solomona for sending the first of these interesting bits of Samoan humor.

If you would like to contribute a funny joke or story or any other humorous bit of information, please click HERE.

From: K Smith

Date: Sat, Mar 4 2000 2:20:54 PM -0800 (PST)

You are Samoan if:

  • your dad can tell you to clear the dishes by slapping the table and waving his hand

  • your dad watches TV lying on the floor even when there are plenty of chairs

  • your dad changes the TV channel with a pink eraser tied to the end of a ruler

  • your parents think a Ritz cracker box and foil make a TV antenna

  • your dad leaves a note in the shower saying don’t move the showerhead because it’s adjusted to the correct height (his and it hits your stomach) and then he signs it with his full name, like no one knows who would do such a thing?

  • your dad makes you scrub the toilet bowl with your hand and a rag because the American brush can’t do the job right

  • your dad thinks a hamburger is really 2 pieces of white bread with all kinds of leftovers in between. You like?

  • there is no lock on the bathroom door and all kinds of people keep coming in and you pretend you’re just relaxing

  • when your parents sing and play ukulele songs on the toilet

  • when your dad thinks the pamu (enema) cures everything even a headache

  • when you hang toilet bowl deodorant from your car mirror for air freshener

  • when you hang cemetery flowers on your dashboard for decoration

  • when you hang shell necklaces around photos on walls

  • when you mix spaghetti with rice

  • your grandma’s bedroom is full of old cocacola bottles and coconut oil she uses to fo’afo’a you

  • when your grandma looks like a peaceful sweet old lady on Sunday but she is really twisting your ear and pinching your auaga and every other day she watches wrestling on TV and yells "fusu fusu loa" while boxing the air

  • your grandma air dries her underwear on bushes and sidewalks in front of your house

  • your parents make you drink tree bark when you are sick and put axle grease on a gaping wound (you don’t need no stinkin doctor)

  • your grandma tells you any problems you might get happen because of your wickedness like you get mugged and robbed because you must have sinned sometime

  • you smile at white people then talk bad about their anatomy behind their backs

  • you make your own birthday cake and still get a sasa on your birthday

  • you and all your bros and sis get a sasa just cos your dad is mad and he says its good anyway because you probably did lots of bad things he doesn’t know about

  • haircut days are good for a lot of head slapping and crooked hair

  • your head looks like a duck’s muli when your dad is done cutting your hair

  • you have to sit outside in your underwear while your dad yells, slaps and cuts your hair and keeps tapping the scissors on the comb just before he slaps you with it

  • your dad buys you housedresses to wear to your first job as a J.C. Penney’s salesgirl

  • your dad says you look like a gorilla when your hair is dry (because it is bushy) but it looks just like his because that’s where it came from

  • your parents forbid you to look at boys and you must always put your hair in a pangi but you cannot ever cut it or wear it down

  • your parents expect you to dance some sexy hula with your eyes closed so you still can’t look at boys

  • when your legs are bigger, stronger and faster than an NFL lineman

  • when you’re a woman and you weigh more than an NFL lineman but you look smaller

  • when you help yourself to your neighbors donuts

  • when your dad can hit your head sitting 6 feet away during the prayer at church

  • when your dad chains the fridge closed to keep your 500 pound brother on a diet and your brother never loses weight because he knows how to slip the chain off and on

  • when your white friends come to your house and wonder why your dad is wearing a sheet?

  • when every shoe at the front door is as big as a boat

  • when the chairs are covered with plastic

  • whenever you walk past a dog you have an uncontrollable urge to kick the dog for no reason (just genetic)

  • when the dog cringes and goes "ow ow ow" before you even get near it

  • when you see a Samoan man beating up 4 rednecks and they all crawl away and the next day the Samoan says he’s sorry he kicked the guys so hard cos his foot hurts

  • when you go to McDonald’s drivethru in a towel and still jump out of your truck to fight cos someone called you a meauli

  • when your mom buys ballgowns to wear to church

  • even your dog has that superior, get your muli out of here look

  • when a dog bites your leg and the doctor is stitching it up, the doctor feels sorry for the dog not you. love you all


    Ia fanks a lot K Smith...MALO!

    Date: Tue, 03 March 2000 16:20PM EDT

    From: vaa-t@ezysurf.co.nz

  • SAMOAN HUMOUR (in New Zeland?)

    WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEER WITH NO EYES?
    ANSWER:.....NO EYE DEER....(NO IDEA)

    Ia fank you Vaa!!!

    Date: Tue, 03 March 2000 16:20PM EDT

    From: C. S. Leschhorn

  • Differences between a normal Samoan and an FOB:

  • -normal Samoans may sometimes use ie lavalavas as curtains, FOBS may use window curtains as ie lavalavas!

  • -normal Samoans are known for hearty appetites, while an FOB can clean out a refrigerator...including the ice cubes and that little bulb that goes on and off ("chuss fill like a light shnack!")

  • -normal Samoans these days speak Samoan and English, while FOBS shpeak Shamoan ant shomefing dat lesembles Enklish putt ish incomplehenshtable to mosht peple.

  • Actual names given to Samoans by their parents (These taken from the Internet, mostly the Polynesiancafe, where some people have started complaining about some of the names. There are no Hamos were I live!)

  • -Maile' (Dog)

  • -Telefoni (phone)

  • -Mata (Eye)

  • -Meaola (Animal)

  • -Kerisimasi (Christmas)

  • -Isumu (Rat)

  • -Sosomo (That stuff you may have on your eyes when you wake up???)

  • -Fa'afetai (Thanks)

  • -Laufa'i (Banana Loaf)

  • -Moli (Orange)

  • -Fala (Pineapple or Mat)

  • -Paugutu ("promiscous one" you know what I mean)

  • -Seattle

  • -Amelika (America)

  • -Washington

  • -Army

  • -Navy

  • -Lole (Candy)

  • -Osovale (Out Of Line)

  • -Ese (Move)

  • -Pua'a (Pig)

  • -Aifai (Banana eater)

  • -Fiapoto (Smart aleck)

  • -Va'alele (Airplane)

  • -Pan Am (yes, I'm talking about that airline here)

    Ia fank you LESCHHORN!!!



    Date: Thu, 19 Aug 99 07:47AM EDT

    From: puligipopo@hotmail.com

  • A Samoan Man Goes to the Mall

    One day a Samoan man drove his 15 passenger family van to the local shopping mall. He drove his van into a parking spot when he was approached by the parking attendant saying "Excuse me sir you can't park your car there. This space is for compact cars only." And the Samoan man replied, "Yeah I know, I go and I com pack."

  • Siaki Goes to the Luau

    One day Siaki was invited to a Hawaiian Luau. The host asked him, "So howz everyting Siaki, you having good time?"

    "Oh yes I like all you can eat kine' party," he replies.

    "How you like da' maha'i maha'i?", the host asked.

    "Oh, I like that kin' chicken, so good." Siaki replied as he continues devouring his food.

    Although confused by Siaki last comment the host continues to ask, "Howz the kahlua pig?"

    "Oh so good I going take some home, kay." Siaki exclaims.

    Finally the host ask, "So howz' the poi?"

    "Oh yeah the boy(poi), he doing good, he in da' the fhird grade now."

    Ia fank you PULIGIPOPO!!!



    Date: Mon, 26 Jul 99 06:29AM EDT

    From: SHAMA

  • Q: what do you call a puppy on a grill??

  • A: PUPPY-Q!

    se u know how them F.O.B's say it!!...okay tai lava mo le avanoa..Tofa Ona O Iesu......AAAAAMENE!!.....HaWaii In the HiZZouse!!!..EwaBeach!!..hehehe!

    Ia fank you SHAMA from Ewa Beach!



    Date: Fri, 4 Jun 1999 05:51:20 EDT

    From: R.A.T.

    How do you know when a Samoan family is not at home?

  • When you go to their house and all of the curtains from their windows are gone.

  • Answer: It is because they are wearing it....get it....ie lava lavas!!

    Ia fank you!



    Date: Sun, 30 May 1999 22:17:48 EDT

    From: V.MIKAELE

    YOU KNOW YOU'RE SAMOAN IF:

  • Your mom makes your egg sandwhiches and puts it back in bread bag so you can take it to school.

  • When go to school fieldtrips and everyone is drinking can sodas and you have a 2 liter.

  • When you have to wear your older bro/sis old clothes on the first day of school.

  • When you hang an ie lavava with puka holes for your curtain.

  • When you have to borrow ketchup from your white neighbors.

  • When your foreheads shines from all the babyoil your mom put in your hair for picture day.

  • When your grandpa or grandma cuts the front yard with scissors.

  • When your waterhose is only 3ft long....cause your mom keeps cutting it so she can hit you with it.

  • When your family sells panikeke at your football games.

  • When you go to church only for toana'i.

  • When you take foilpaper to ALL YOU CAN EAT restaurant.

  • When you go to someones B.B.Q and you come back with THIER pots and pans.......with food in it.

  • FANK YOU VETY MUTCH...Malo lava, fanks!

    V.MIKAELE



    Date: Fri, 14 May 1999 01:02:41 -0700 EST

    From: MP in Denver

    You Know you're a Samoan when:

  • *YOU ARE READING THIS!!!

    ********grins*******

  • *You work for United Air just to get buddy pass, and not to worry about the $6.45/hr pay

  • *You go to a movie just to watch a palagi laughs then you laugh with him to make people around you think you understand what's going on

  • *Your brother in Samoa only writes you and starts praising (sweet talking) you when he NEEDS something (especially toward X-Mas time and birthdays)

  • *You and your friends try to mimic what you guys have seen on TV/Movie (Ninja ma le kaufaga)

  • *The only exercise you do is walking from the couch to the refrigerator

  • *Cops try to hand cuff you with chains cos your wrists are too big.

  • *You're 2 blocks away, and your mother picks up the binoculars and tries to whisper to you (Siaki, magakua se pepa lulu a si ou kiga)

  • *You wear the same underwear 4 times a week

  • *You use a kipolo (lemon) as a hair gel, and a deodorant

  • *You think you smell good when you use your sister's perfume

  • *You chew a piece of gum for more than 12hrs

  • *You sing to your child...(O siaki se tama leaga e 'ai pisupo ma 'ai mea leaga e fagufagu aku e gofo i luga 'ae fai mai ua ki'o i le aluga)

  • *You see food on the ground, look around to make sure nobody's watching, then quickly pick it up and shove it in your mouth

  • *You get change for a dollar and put 'em in your pocket (fa'a kagikagi) so people think you have money

  • *You wear nice dress shoes to church w/o socks (faiga a le 'au po'a)

  • *You won the lottery last week and filed for bankruptcy today

  • Ia ua lava ga ke'i oke mai le koeaiga!!!

  • Ia fank you MP from Denver



    Sat, 24 Apr 1999 02:01:48 EDT

    From: Faifaieasy

    You know you're Samoan:

  • When your boyfriend comes to ask your mom if he can take you to the movies, and your mom says, "su'e mai o'u se'evae".

  • when you ask, "How are you? and they answer, "I'm 20 years old.

  • when you see some keine or fafige at the supermarket with leggings or pants with a puletasi top from you church kogiga.

  • when you see a man with a checkaboard suit and flower pants at church, with whitewall shoes.

  • when you go to someone's house for a faalavelave, and you leave with someone else' shoes.

  • when your mom says at 25,you're are too young for a boyfriend. (sounds like taupou sa time to me).

  • when five brothers fight over who took who's underwear in the morning, when actually they all wear the one 3 pack of underwears that mom bought last month.

    ia fanks tele lava, Faifaieasy.



    Wed, 07 Apr 99 10:08AM EDT

    From: Cat Fa'agutu

    You know they are samoans when:

  • There is an accident and they are the only ones laughing

  • You ask them for the time, and they say "free firty" (3:30)

  • They see a FBI warning sign at the beginning of a video tape and they say...Se shammit!, I seen dish one already!

  • You open the car and roaches come running out

  • They go to Footlocker and look at the display and see only one shoe, then leaving in dismay thinking they didn't have the other pair.

  • You see them hanging out at any airport all day...and night

  • They wear a puletasi to go church, school, jogging, to the store.....oh and the infamous one....clubbing

  • The mother has a better throwing arm than the father

  • You can see the toes screaming to breathe cause the shoes too tight...but they still say "it fits!!"..hahaha

    Ia Fanks....Caffy



    From: KynJin in California

    Sat, 27 Mar 99 16:24PM EST

    You know they're Samoan when:

  • You see the whole clan at the beach with fishing poles and a pot-full of boiled green bananas.

  • You see a beat-up station wagon full of uncombed hair, unclothed kids, and four adults with Hawai'ian print shirts at a super market parking lot.

  • You encounter a pretty Polynesian girl and ask her something in Samoan and she asnwers you in backward English with a mamafa lava Samoan ac'cent.......fob

  • Everyone wears a white straw hat and white dress on Sundays.

  • You see a lot of head slapping and pinching during the sermon.

  • You invite 2 people and the whole family with grandma and grandpa show up.

  • You see two over-grown kids bullying a palagi kid to show-off their braveness because a girl is watching....e tafefe....

  • Someone claims being Hawai'ian or Afakasi when it's plain as the mole on your nose that they're as black as a meauli and doesn't speak a word of English or Hawai'ian except 'u no da kind'.....auoi....

  • You lived next door to your neighbors for 10 years, and the only time they leave the house is on the first and the fifth of the month....1st is welfare check...5th is food stamps......

  • The shopper in front of you has 4 cart-full of pisupo, spaghetti, pilikaki, cabbage, 5 gallon oil, 25 lb. bag of rice, soy sauce, and two more carts with kids in it.

  • Everyone seems to wear the same cologne....fried fish or pilikaki....whooooosh

  • You see that the shopper buys nothing but 'Springfields'

  • You see the young girls at the convenient store wearing a church dress, pantyhose and slippers...

  • You visit your friends house and the only thing in the refrigerator is plain paper bologna and half block of cheese.

  • You find a loaf of hard Samoan bread on the couch...

  • You are invited by your neighbors to dinner and they serve you a bowl of white sweet watery gravy with raw bubble dough.......they call it 'kopai'

  • You ask for a dust-pan and they hand you a magazine or a newspaper.

  • You find a 6 year old kid still in diapers playing in front of the house.

  • You encounter grandma at the store wearing one white and one red sock with samoan flip flops.....

  • You're in a diner and the people at the next table are scooping up their food with their fingers....good eating...hehe

  • Someone that looks like they just got off the boat wearing neon bright green pants and bright orange shirt.

  • You see big glob of vaseline on a kid's hair.....

  • After you sing at a funeral, they serve you hard crackers and a loaf of Samoan bread with butter and jelly spread.....

  • Enjoy at your own peril.....Ia fank you veli mutch.....haha....KynJin in Calif.

    Ia fank you, KynJin...malo lava!

    From: Samoakurl,


    Thurs., 18 Mar 1999 11:59:05 EST

    YOU KNOW YOU'RE SAMOAN WHEN:

  • Your parents think that all your Black friends are drug dealers.

  • Being whipped with the belt is considered discipline not child abuse.

  • No matter where you go in the United States, you got a "cousin" there.

  • At any major function, your food comes in a box that used to hold a 24-pack of sodas instead of a plate.

  • At an "all you can eat" restaurant, the owners lock their doors when they see your family coming.

  • When your friends come over they wonder why your dad is wearing a skirt (ie lavalava).

  • Everytime you do your grocery shopping, you buy eight cans of corned beef, 12 cans of spam, and a 20 lb. bag of calrose rice.

    Hahaha! Hahaha!!! Manaia tele lava, ia fank you Samoakurl

    Tue, 16 Mar 99 19:12PM EST

    From: KynJin in California

    You can tell a Samoan family lives there when:

  • You see 'ie 'afus with lots of hibiscus flowers hanging half on and half off the windows.

  • You see their laundry hanging in front of the house, and on rails, instead of at the back of the house. Especially when the laundry contains of 5 'ie lavalavas and 3 mu'umu'us, 2 pule tasi, and a bermuda shorts with hole in it.

  • You visited the neighborhood for the first time and the first things you smell is a falai pilikaki with lots of onions and black pepper.

  • You knock on the door at your friend's house and you hear a woman yelling, "e, le faikoko'a!!".....and then you hear little kids race to open the door.

  • You drive by a house and you see kids running and playing in front of the house with no clothes on....(still going native)

  • You see that they beat any other nationality by amount of lapisi and uncut grass on the front yard.

  • You see women doing 'da ting' you know, va'iliga ukus on their porch....yyyuuck...but typical.

  • You see someone chasing a kid around the house with the se'evae......brings back memories, haha....

  • You can bribe your mom with $20 for her bingo.....(for reals, ha ha ha)

  • You see a woman beating up 2 men on the street. (of a different nationality, of course...everyone knows that one blow from a Samoan man would give you an instant face lift!!)...hehehe

  • Q: Why don't you ever hear a case of a Samoan girl being raped??

    A: Because, while the rapist is contemplating his adventure, he's also sniffing the neighborhood for the house that doesn't smell like fried fish, and the garbage can that isn't full of green banana peels.

  • You can spot a mountain of shoes blocking the front door.

  • You see everyone wearing ie lavalava, no shoes and a broken down van in the drive way.

  • You see an old lady beating the heck out of a 'fala moe' . (sleeping mat to you,ha ha)

  • You find a life-time supply of saimigi (top ramin) in the cupboards.

  • You find out your last name is the same as everyone else's.

    Enjoy at your own risk...hahaha..Ia fank you veli mutch....KynJin



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